


Travel Can Make You Miserable

by thehaikubandit



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Travel show au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-06
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-04-30 06:02:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5152973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thehaikubandit/pseuds/thehaikubandit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was watching a documentary on the Caribbean, and the guy was clearly Enjolras. So while I was ranting at some friends, this AU was born...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Short Breaks

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to L for betaing and for the skype chat for encouraging my terrible writing plans... If anyone has any requests for future episodes or emails, feel free to hit me up on tumblr, I'm the thehaikubandit!

FADE IN:

EXT. BELFAST CASTLE – DAY

ENJOLRAS stands in front of Belfast Castle. It is overcast but not raining. The sun is shining through the clouds and lighting him from behind.

ENJOLRAS  
Hello and welcome to the first  
episode of The ABC of Travel.  
Later in the show I will be showing  
you some of Belfast's most important  
historical sights, but before that:

EXT. TEMPLE OF APHRODITE, PAPHOS – DAY

MARIUS and COSETTE walk through the ruins hand in hand.

ENJOLRAS (V.O.)  
Marius and Cosette explore  
the romantic side of Cyprus.

INT. SISTINE CHAPEL – DAY

JEHAN is talking to some students painting the ceiling of the chapel.

ENJOLRAS (V.O.)  
And Jehan explores the cultural  
hub that is Rome. First though,

EXT. BEACH IN ALCUDIA – DAY

JOLY, MUSICHETTA and BOSSUET walk along the beach. It is sunny and they walk past sunbathers and children playing in the water.

ENJOLRAS (V.O.)  
Joly, Musichetta and Bossuet visit  
that classic family holiday  
destination, Majorca.

EXT. ALCUDIA WATER-PARK – DAY

Joly, Musichetta and Bossuet slide down a very colourful slide. Joly and Musichetta both climb out of the pool with little incident, but Bossuet somehow manages to fall back in twice before they pull him out. Laughing they all sit down on the edge of the pool.

JOLY  
Majorca!

MUSICHETTA  
The destination of choice  
for Brits wanting a  
close holiday since  
anyone can remember, or at  
least the 1970s.

BOSSUET  
It's perfect for families,  
couples, solo travellers -

JOLY  
And those inevitable  
stag and hen dos.

BOSSUET  
Today we are focusing on the  
families and in particular the  
resort of Alcudia.

MUSICHETTA  
As you can see it is home to  
wonderful water-parks, and has  
shallow, family friendly beaches.

JOLY  
There are plenty of sports  
in, and out of the water.

BOSSUET  
Whether it be golf,  
scuba diving or even  
wind-surfing, there is plenty  
for the whole family to do!

MUSICHETTA  
There's even a little  
night-life, so if you can  
find someone to watch the  
kids, mums and dads can let  
their hair down.

BOSSUET  
Unless they are me.  
My hair let  
itself so far down  
it escaped!

JOLY  
And when you have had all  
the beach or pool related fun  
that you can take, there is the  
Old Town inland. So, let's go  
and have a look!

 

EXT. ALCUDIA OLD TOWN – DAY

Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta stand in a square in the town. They walk into a café, order coffees and all sit down outside.

MUSICHETTA  
And isn't it gorgeous?  
Not to mention the fact  
you can get proper coffee.

BOSSUET  
While we stay here and have  
lunch, Joly has lost in the  
method used for deciding winners  
since time began. And in a miracle,  
my paper beat his Spock, so he gets  
to go and explore the beautiful  
cathedral.

JOLY  
I don't know if it's that  
bad of an outcome, but in case I  
don't make it back, live  
long and prosper!

**...**

EXT. BEACH IN FRONT OF APHRODITE'S ROCK – SUNSET

MARIUS and COSETTE stand hand in hand on the beach looking out at the rock, their backs to the camera. They turn around.

COSETTE  
Much like Majorca, Cyprus has  
something for every kind of  
tourist.

MARIUS  
Except it has a very different  
history, I mean, both in a  
modern and a classical sense.

COSETTE  
And on top of historians,  
there is one tourist  
industry that is booming in  
Cyprus. Weddings, honeymoons  
and romantic getaways.

MARIUS  
Given it's the birth place  
of Aphrodite, it shouldn't be  
a big surprise.

COSETTE  
Yes, just behind us is  
Aphrodite's Rock, where legend  
tells us she emerged from the  
sea and was born.

MARIUS  
Tomorrow for us but tonight  
on the show for you, we will be  
visiting the best romantic spots  
in Cyprus.

COSETTE  
And we will also answer  
some of those tricky wedding  
questions relating to  
legal requirements for  
weddings in Cyprus with the  
help of a wonderful wedding  
planner named Floréal.

**...**

EXT. PAPHOS CASTLE – DAY  
Marius and Cosette stand in the foreground with the castle behind them.

MARIUS  
So you can see that the  
festival of Aphrodite is  
a very important event. If  
you do come to Cyprus in  
September, make sure you see  
some of the wonderful performances.

COSETTE  
Now we take you from  
classic Greek and Roman  
history to some Roman  
history that is a little  
more modern. Jehan is  
in Rome, catching up with  
some of the city's art!

INT. SISTINE CHAPEL – DAY

JEHAN stands in front of a group of artists who are all sketching or painting the roof of the chapel.

JEHAN  
Rome is a city famous for it's  
art, particularly beautiful  
renaissance works like the  
building around me. But the  
production of art in the city didn't  
stop with the great masters. Behind me  
are some students from the Rome  
University of Fine Arts. I happened  
to run into them here today, and I  
thought it might be nice to go along  
and get a tour of some of the work  
that they are doing. What direction  
is the future of art in Rome taking?

EXT. CAFÉ DOWN A NARROW ALLEY – LATE AFTERNOON

Jehan sits with three students. All have a glass of wine.

JEHAN (SPEAKS IN ITALIAN, ENGLISH SUBTITLES)  
So Gaby, you are studying  
sculpture. Can you tell us  
about the sort of work that  
you are doing?

GABY (SUBTITLED ITALIAN)  
At the moment I have been  
trying to use discarded car  
parts to depict images from nature.  
My father is a mechanic and  
he always speaks about cars as  
though they were alive. I wanted  
to take this a step further  
and create living creatures  
with the machinery, in particular  
broken parts from his shop.

JEHAN (SUBTITLED ITALIAN)  
That sounds like a fantastic  
use of an unused resource.  
I hope we get a chance to see  
some of your work later in the show!  
And Ali, I hear you are  
graduating soon with a degree  
in Architecture?

**...**

EXT. BELFAST CASTLE – DAY

Enjolras faces the camera.

ENJOLRAS  
Thank you Jehan for that  
report. Clearly Rome has more  
to show us than the typical  
tourist sites.

In any place it is always  
better to step off the beaten path.  
Ireland is well known among  
tourists for it's strong beers,  
charming folk music and mythology.  
But it is important to remember  
the other side of Ireland's history.

Enjolras begins to walk away from the castle, towards the camera which slowly zooms back.

ENJOLRAS  
Until very recently this story  
would not have been possible to  
shoot. Reminders of Belfast's  
very modern history are easy to  
find, and today I visit some of  
the cities most important places.  
The homes of the people who lived  
here during the conflict, and  
who continue to do so. When  
your whole city becomes a war zone,  
even your home is not exempt  
from fighting.

**...**

**Sent: 18:30 01/11/2015**  
**From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**To: ALL**  
**Subject: First Show**

Congratulations to you all on a job well done! I am so proud of you all for the hard work you have put in getting this series together. You have gone above and beyond what was required of you, so sit back, and relax a little. Let's see what the public think and what our chances of a series two are.

Break a leg,  
Combeferre.

P.S. Please do not take that as a challenge. Any of you.

 

**Sent: 08:00 12/08/2015**  
**From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**To: enjolras@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**Subject: No.**

Enjolras, that is not what I meant by Irish history. We've edited it down to something that is appropriate for the timeslot and for a first episode, but please tone it down. While I am all for modern history and education of the general public, we do need to avoid anything that will have us immediately taken off air. That interview crossed the line. Next time please just stick to the brief. You were meant to be doing a feature on the Book of Kells, what were you even doing in Belfast?

 

**Sent: 12:37 12/08/2015**  
**From: enjolras@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**To: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**Subject: RE: No.**

Jehan was allowed to bend his brief. He went to that café in Rome instead of the Vatican museums like he was supposed to.

 

**Sent: 12:46 12/08/2015**  
**From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**To: enjolras@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**Subject: RE: No.**

There is a difference between visiting a café with some art students and interviewing someone who is accused of war crimes. One is suitable for a 7pm time slot and makes for a nice insight into the culture of an area. The other does not. Guess.

 

**Sent: 16:28 21/05/2015**  
**From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**To: thenardier@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
**Subject: Destination choices**

Eponine,

What on earth possessed you to choose Ireland as Enjolras's destination? You know he is going to do something to ignite an international incident. I thought we had agreed on Majorca? To give people an insight into its history?

Joly is worried he is going to catch something fatal, so please make sure he sees the extensive healthcare policy we have in place. Bossuet is going to actually need it. Make sure he gets the higher level of cover.

If we time the shooting correctly, Grantaire can cover Enjolras and Joly, Bossuet and Musichetta while Bahorel can shoot Jehan and Marius and Cosette. Feuilly is just going to get to all four for sound until we find a replacement for Montparnasse, the police have just confirmed we won't be getting him back. Not that I'd trust him with the equipment any more.

Please tell me Enjolras will not be anywhere near Syria for the Middle East/Africa schedule.

Combeferre.


	2. Africa and the Middle East

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a lot more topical than I intended it to be... And late. I had to change my plans and it threw me off a little. Spending a week or two dealing with cancelled flights/holidays meant that writing about cancelled holidays was the last thing I wanted to do... But enjoy! With luck the next one will be up faster!

FADE IN:

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT – DAY  
MUSICHETTA stands in front of the arrivals board. A number of flights read as delayed or cancelled.

 

MUSICHETTA  
Hello and welcome to  
The ABC of Travel! Like  
many of you in this past week,  
tonight Joly, Bossuet and I  
are stuck in an airport!  
The rest of the team will  
be presenting from Africa and  
the Middle East.

 

EXT. HOT AIR BALLOON – DAWN  
MARIUS and COSETTE clink glasses of champagne

 

MUSICHETTA (V.O.)  
Marius and Cosette explore  
Kenya, by air and by land.

 

EXT. LUXOR TEMPLE – DAY  
ENJOLRAS talks to a tour guide. He is occasionally shaking his head and frowning.

 

MUSICHETTA (V.O.)  
Enjolras visits Luxor and  
explores some of Egypt's  
historical sites.

 

INT. HELICOPTER OVER DUBAI – DAY  
COURFEYRAC points out Atlantis.

 

MUSICHETTA (V.O.)  
And Courfeyrac experiences  
some of the most amazing things  
Dubai has to offer. But first,  
we are in coming to you from  
Gatwick Airport

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT, CAFÉ – DAY  
Musichetta, JOLY and BOSSUET sit in the café with a pot of tea on the table.

 

BOSSUET  
Tonight we were going  
to be presenting a feature  
on Sharm El Sheikh, a really  
fun family destination. But  
as things stand at the moment,  
we know many of you will have had  
your flights cancelled and some  
of you may still be in Sharm  
when this goes to air!

 

MUSICHETTA  
So instead, we are going to  
help you out with our list of ten  
airport games for when your  
flight is delayed or cancelled.

 

JOLY  
So let's begin!

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT, SOUVENIR SHOP – DAY  
Bossuet holds up a duck painted with a Union Jack.

 

BOSSUET  
See who can find the strangest souvenir!

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT, DEPARTURES BOARD – DAY  
Musichetta stands underneath with Joly.

 

MUSICHETTA  
Watch for the next flight to be cancelled,  
and then either plan a holiday to that location...

 

JOLY  
...Or make some bingo cards with  
different countries on them,  
and tick them off as flights are delayed.

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT – DAY  
Bossuet sits in a luggage fort.

 

BOSSUET  
Make a fort with your  
hand luggage!

The fort collapses on his head.

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT – DAY  
Musichetta sits with some strangers playing cards

 

MUSICHETTA  
Start a game of snap with the  
other people who should be  
on your flight!

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT – DAY  
Joly and Bossuet whisper to each other.

 

BOSSUET  
Make up elaborate back-stories  
about the other people in the  
airport.

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT, DUTY FREE SHOP – DAY  
Joly tests a perfume and sneezes.

 

JOLY  
Try some perfumes in  
the duty free stores.

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT, AIRPORT GATE – DAY  
Bossuet walks from one gate to another, slightly out of breath.

 

BOSSUET  
Visit as many different  
boarding gates as you can!

 

INT. GATWICK AIRPORT, CAFÉ - DAY  
Musichetta sits and looks around, smiling.

 

MUSICHETTA  
Or just explore! These days  
airports have all kinds of different  
places to find. From cafés, to butterfly  
zoos and swimming pools. Have fun,  
and we hope that all your flights  
run on time.

 

Now here is Enjolras coming  
to you from where we all should  
have been. Egypt!

 

EXT. LUXOR TEMPLE, DAY  
Enjolras stands in front of a pillar.

 

ENJOLRAS  
Egypt is a land famous  
for it's rich history, and  
a must see destination for many  
historians. Luxor, or as it  
was once known, Thebes, may not have  
the Sphinx or the Pyramids  
of Giza, but its proximity to  
the Valley of the Kings and temples  
makes it, I believe, a superior  
choice. During the 19th and 20th  
centuries, the promise of discovery,  
wealth and fame drew a large  
number of British archaeologists  
to the area. Not content with  
discovering the ancient sites,  
most were also plundered, with gold,  
jewels and mummies being shipped  
back to Europe in large numbers...

 

...

 

EXT. NILE ON FERRY TO LUXOR – SUNSET

 

ENJOLRAS  
So it is important to realise  
what the loss of tourism over recent  
years means to these areas.  
While you may be able to see many ancient  
Egyptian historical artefacts in  
museums around the country, nothing  
compares to the scale, and stories  
of the buildings here, in Luxor.

 

Now Marius and Cosette are in  
Kenya, on a safari of the non-hunting  
kind. Something else that demonstrates  
a positive impact tourism can have.

 

EXT. LAKE NAKURU NATIONAL PARK – DAY  
Marius and Cosette stand together in front of a safari jeep.

 

COSETTE  
For anyone who is looking  
for a romantic destination  
with a little difference, Kenya  
is a wonderful option, and not  
one that many think of at first.

 

MARIUS  
You can spot incredible animals,  
appreciate the scenery or  
relax on a perfect sandy beach.

 

COSETTE  
We are going to start our Kenyan  
safari with a tour around part  
of the Lake Nakuru National Park.  
Famous for it's flamingos it also  
plays host to a range of other  
stunning animals. So let's begin!

 

...

 

EXT. HOT AIR BALLOON – DAWN  
Marius and Cosette stand with their backs to the sunrise, illuminated by the sky, hand in hand.

 

MARIUS  
We hope that tonight's show  
proves just how special a romantic  
holiday in Kenya can be.

 

COSETTE  
We have certainly had a  
magical time, and experienced  
things we would recommend to  
everyone.

 

We finish tonight with  
Courfeyrac, who is exploring  
the metropolis of Dubai.

 

INT. THE DUBAI MALL  
Courfeyrac walks towards the camera from the right, a bag of shopping in his hand.

 

COURFEYRAC  
Dubai! The city where anything  
you could possibly want is  
at your fingertips. Shopping,  
world class dining, aquariums,  
theme-parks, indoor skiing,  
the tallest building in the world,  
beaches, and some of the most  
impressive hotels you will ever see.  
Whether you want to relax and  
enjoy the spas or experience  
an adventure tour in the surrounding  
desert, it's all here!

 

In a little while I'll be  
hopping on a helicopter  
to view this city from the air. But  
before then, I think it's time to  
take this [indicates shopping]  
back to the hotel. And where would  
you stay in Dubai other  
than one of its most iconic  
landmarks, the Burj al Arab?

 

...

 

INT. AT.MOSPHERE BURJ KHALIFA – DAY  
Camera shows the view from the window, then pans to show Courfeyrac sitting at a table with a high tea.

 

COURFEYRAC  
What better way could I ask  
to finish my stay in Dubai than  
with a high tea in the world's  
highest building? While it may  
not be the first place that springs to  
mind for a holiday. I assure you,  
Dubai really ought to be.

 

While this is all from the   
team here at The ABC of Travel  
this week, don't forget you can  
find us on social media! We  
are on both Facebook and Twitter  
using the names below [details  
appear on banner on screen].  
We also want you to show  
us your amazing holidays using  
the hash tag #abcoftravel.  
Share and enjoy, and see  
you all very soon!

 

...

 

**Sent: 06:00 04/11/2015  
** **From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **To: musichetta@abctravel.bbc.co.uk, joly@abctravel.bbc.co.uk, bossuet@abctravel.bbc.co.uk, mabeuf@abctravel.bbc.co.uk, grantaire@abctravel.bbc.co.uk, thenardier@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **Subject: Sharm El Sheikh**

Hi team,

I need you all to come in for an urgent re-shoot today. You all did an amazing job on the Sharm  
story for next week's show, but given the news today, we won't be able to air it. There is very little   
point running a story on a location where people can no longer travel.

I'll see you all at 8:30, and I will have breakfast and coffee ready and waiting.

Combeferre

 

**Sent: 06:43 04/11/2015  
** **From: musichetta@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **To: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **Subject: RE: Sharm El Sheikh**

Hey Ferre,

The boys and I will be there, and we can pick up R on the way as well.  
If we don't have a replacement story yet, should we run with the airport games feature Bossuet has been  
joking about all year? We have some really cool games on the list!

See you soon,

Chetta.

 

**Sent: 07:16 04/11/2015  
** **From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **To: thenardier@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **Subject: FWD: RE: Sharm El Sheikh**

Eponine,

I know that the budget isn't going to stretch to a new Africa/Middle East trip but is there anything UK based   
that you can think of for Joly/Bossuet/Musichetta that we haven't already covered? And that we can afford?   
If not, we will just have to run with Bossuet's plan.

Combeferre.

 

**Sent: 15:27 23/05/2015  
** **From: combeferre@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **To: thenardier@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **Subject: Montparnasse's replacement**

Eponine,

You know that there was no way we could hire Gavroche. The kid is great, but I am not sending him overseas  
to shoot. He's eleven years old. Marius recommended someone called Mr Mabeuf,   
can you help me interview him next Monday?

Combeferre.

 

**Sent: 22:21 14/8/2015  
** **From: courfeyrac@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **To: feuilly@abctravel.bbc.co.uk**  
 **Subject: Photos**

Heyyyyyyyyyyy Feuilly,

Can you send me those photos I totally saw you taking in Dubai?

Please? Pretty please?

Love you Fee! :)

Courf


End file.
